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Tuesday, February 21, 2006


Slow motion

I made it to the local library Sunday and picked up another few books. I haven't done all of them but one "The Necessary Beggar", by Susan Palwick, caught my attention. I've also finished "Highgate Rise" by Anne Perry.

For the past few days, everything I do has been an effort. When I was young, before teens, at the local swimming pool, I used to wade in the shallow end, which was waist-deep. Walking was no great problem, but sometimes I'd try to run and found that the resistance was too much; I ran in slow motion and didn't go much faster than if I walked. Worry is like that. I spend a whole lot more energy and don't go all that much faster. So, I take things one day at a time.

But sometime it still feels like I'm wading through sludge. Even the littlest things seem like a lot of effort, and I walk around in an icky, sour, depressed mood. I suspect I'm not sleeping well; my roommates report a lot of snoring, and I know I've gained weight over the past year or so. I tried putting myself on a bit of a diet, but it didn't last (I'm certainly no better at self-improvement projects than the large portion of the population that tries and doesn't succeed). From various hints, it appears that the weight gain may be largely water and related to my heart condition, anyway.

But in spite of feeling like...Well, you get the idea... I have been making progress in areas I mention on my other two blogs, so not everything is going badly.

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