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Sunday, February 13, 2005

 

Roadbuilding

I've been thinking about varying the theme of this blog a little.

What do you say when someone points you to a highway that doesn't take you where you want to go? I find myself, so to speak, bushwhacking up the side of a mountain instead of taking the road.
I started writing an essay on the subject of self-education versus conventional education a while ago. A school education is like taking a group tour along a well-traveled road. Self-education is going cross country, wrestling with treefalls, underbrush, wasp nests, sharp sticks, thorny bushes, uneven ground, mudholes, foul weather, and the like.
One of the difficulties with my finding employment is that most jobs, and most companies don't seem to be going the direction I want to go with my life. So, I've been trying to build my own road. It's not a well-traveled and hasn't been an easy one: A lot of false starts, unfinished tries, discouragements, and some rest stops (When you're up to your ahem in alligators, it's hard to remember you were trying to drain the swamp).

Two things I intend to be working on are improving my social skills, and articulating, or verbalizing, my idea of what I want to be doing with my life. I've noticed a few of my habits that work as conditioned, defensive, self-protective reflexes that could very easily be getting in the way of what I need to be doing.
I'm not wandering aimlessly, though it may seem to be so to some. Rather, I'm following a vision that's not clearly visible to anyone else, and not even acceptable to some. But I think I'm close enough that I can see it more clearly and start describing it better.

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