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Thursday, December 23, 2004


Coming weekend

I'm going to be out of touch for the Christmas weekend: the library is closed, and I don't have a reliable way to get incoming phone messages.

I've been pondering several ideas over the past few weeks. One of them is the idea that no one succeeds without a "supporting cast". An emotionally supportive family can be a big part of one's support structure, but mine has tended to have a pattern of attempts to control one another that have gone as far as verbal abuse.
Sometimes, it's necessary to withdraw, get out, break free of the situation, in order just keep more damage from being inflicted. To use a sports analogy, empty stands are less demoralizing than active hecklers and booleaders. But there's a reason teams have cheerleaders.
Until I undertand the reasons for my difficulties with employment, underemployment, and unemployment, I'm all too likely to unconsciously repeat them. I've considered both internal weaknesses and external factors. One idea that I reject is the idea that the reason I have had problems with employment, underemployment, and unemployment is that "I am lazy". That's an epithet, not a prescription for improvement.
But I still need to squarely face the reasons for my own unwillingness to seek "stopgap" kinds of work. There are other things I do instead that are both unproductive and unsatisfying, and it's not clear to me why this is so. My thoughts on these subjects are rather scattered at the moment.

I suggest seeing some sort of counselor. If your family doesn't seem to be giving you the kind of response you feel you need, you might benefit from the assistance of a professional counselor. They help people deal with problems all the time like the ones you've been describing. In fact, you might be surprised to find out who and what kinds of people suffer from anxiety, confusion, and depressing circumstances, but who have been able to lead, full, productive, and fulfilling lives with helpful counseling and medications. I have a friend who often tells me, "Freedom through therapy" in regards to her own reactions, healthful and otherwise, to an unhappy family life. Good luck! :-D
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