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Thursday, October 14, 2004



I've been dealing with some dental problems since Friday that have been keeping me up at night, so I've had little rest all week long. I've had the worst problem tooth taken care of, so that should get me a little time to make other arrangements.
I've had a couple of responses to my work difficulties, and I have a few more late-night thoughts on the subject.
A number of people have believed that my problems with employment come from a lack of work ethic, and have tried everything in their power, including preaching and more overt forms of pressure, to get me adopt one. While I recognize their good intentions, and indeed, even agree with them on an intellectual level, my behavior is irrational, and doesn't convey this belief.
That's because the gag factor I mentioned and the despair are rooted more in emotion than reason: Preaching at me has no effect because I either already believe it, or it doesn't begin to approach the emotional reasons. My difficulties with seeking employment seem to be more like a phobia than a conscious rejection of a work ethic. Other people can easily dismiss or ignore my feelings on the matter: I can't.
Today's Front page article in USA Today discusses the difficulties that prisoners whose convictions have been overturned by DNA evidence and the like have with finding employment. One of the factors that causes problems is a gap in employment history. The chilling effect this has on employment prospects seems to be real.
All in all, this is looking more and more like something that I'm likely to need expert help in overcoming. I think now I have a better idea of what kind of help to look for, and where I might look.

I too can't manage to get a job. If only someone else could find the job for me. I wouldn't mind if I got paid less than I was worth, or had to work odd or long hours, as long as it was useful work relevant to my degree. I wouldn't. If it was that I had to start work tomorrow, 14 hour days, 6 day weeks, I'd have the best night sleep of my life tonight.
It's not likely that anyone is going to come and offer either of us a job, let alone an ideal kind, out of the blue, without any effort on our part.
So, I need to go out and pursue it in some fashion. I've already mentioned the difficulties in the conventional approach, but the ones I have tried as alternatives or substitutes haven't worked any better. Usually, there are multiple problems with my approaches.
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